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Diet For Disaster
BY: ARLENE FINE Staff Reporter
A Jewish mother shares the story of her daughter’s eating disorder
A recent New York Times article called “Amazing Girls” drew Deborah Coleman’s attention.
“It described girls who are driven to excel as scholars, musicians, athletes and daughters,” says the Hahn Loeser + Parks attorney. “What it doesn’t mention is the dark side of this story n these perfect girls are also perfect candidates for a variety of eating disorders including anorexia, bulimia nervosa and bingeing.”
As the mother of an “amazing girl,” Coleman knows only too well what happens when an ideal child develops an eating disorder in her quest for perfection.
Coleman’s world and that of her family was forever altered the spring day in 2003 when she received a call from her daughter “Amy’s” Shaker Heights High School counselor. (Coleman requested that her daughter’s real name not be revealed). “She told me that the teachers were worried about Amy and suggested she might have an eating disorder.”
The counselor urged Coleman to consult with a doctor and quickly.
“Our initial reaction was shock that the teachers noticed something we didn’t,” relates Coleman. “It never occurred to us that a child of ours would have an eating disorder. Our daughter was a varsity athlete, an outstanding student. I always cooked a complete dinner that we ate as a family.” Nor was weight a topic of family discussion. “We did not even have a scale in our house,” Coleman continues. “Nothing I knew about eating disorders had any correlation to my child n or so I thought.”
After a thorough medical examination, the family pediatrician reported that 16-year-old Amy had lost a troubling 25 pounds in 18 months. He immediately referred her to Laurelwood Hospital’s Eating Disorder Clinic, where the professionals informed Coleman and her husband that their daughter was anorexic.
Amy’s parents promptly enrolled her in the Laurelwood program but were still skeptical about her diagnosis. “Using flawed thinking, we were sure they were wrong,” admits Coleman.
But as Coleman began to observe her daughter more closely, she noticed Amy was spending a lot of time manipulating the food on her plate and cutting it up into little pieces. She was barely eating anything.
“I finally realized the professionals were right,” she says. “And it wasn’t until we as a family accepted her diagnosis that our daughter did, too.”
Looking back, Coleman says the signs of her daughter’s illness were there for some months prior to the family’s taking action.
“Amy participated in fall and spring varsity sports and was always dressed in heavy sweats, so I rarely saw her lightly dressed,” says Coleman. “I was buying over a pound of carrots a week, and it never occurred to me that this made up the bulk of her diet; I just thought she was eating healthy.”
Amy also did a lot of baking and cooking, and she even talked about going to cooking school. “I realize now that a symptom of an eating disorder is being obsessed with food,” Coleman notes. “Talking about food, reading about food, even cooking become replacements for eating.”
As part of her treatment, Amy spent the summer of 2003 in partial hospitalization at Laurelwood and the next nine months in and out of their intensive outpatient program. She attended her senior classes at Shaker on a reduced schedule and did not participate in sports or extracurricular activities. The family attended regular counseling and support group sessions at Laurelwood.
Coleman’s health insurance plan totally covered the costly treatment. Other families, she adds, were not so lucky; they were forced to cut short some stages of treatment because insurance benefits ran out before their children attained a healthy, sustainable weight or were otherwise ready to be discharged.
After Amy graduated from the intensive Laurelwood program, she met with a team of four professionals who regularly monitored her progress. These included a medical doctor who dealt with her physical issues; a psychiatrist who prescribed medication for her mental disorder; a social worker trained in talk therapy; and a nutritionist who monitored her food intake and planned a diet to help her achieve optimal weight.
Coleman’s role was to reinforce and support the work of her daughter’s professional team. This was not easy. “Along with having to prepare the right meals, I had to negotiate the rules of kashrut,” says Coleman, a member of Park Synagogue and Shaarey Tikvah. “The dietitian recommended so many units of dairy and meat with each meal, but I told her we don’t mix milk and meat. We had to work around this and still have a fully balanced diet with the prescribed fat content.”
Until her body weight had reached a certain level, Amy was not allowed to participate in strenuous exercise because she needed to conserve the calories from the foods she ate. “Amy could not drive because her blood sugar was so low, the doctors were concerned about blackouts,” says Coleman. “We learned that while she was running track, given the condition of her heart at that time, any race could have become her last. She was in such a perilous state.”
Perhaps one of the most frustrating and frightening aspects of Amy’s disease was negotiating with her “demons,” says Coleman.
“Sometimes when I discussed her disorder, I realized I was not speaking to my daughter, but to the demon inside her. Her irrational comments did not square with my concept of my intelligent, thoughtful child. Even though she looked like a death camp survivor, she stared at the mirror and in her eyes she saw a fat girl. No amount of rational talking could persuade her otherwise.
“Seeking total control of something is an anorexic’s idea of perfect,” adds Coleman. “They say I can control my eating so well, I don’t even have to eat.’ That is the demon talking as these young people craft their own reality. They think that a perfect weight is in the two digits. If 105 pounds. is good, then 95 pounds. is better, and 85 pounds. is better yet.”
Although Amy is now in recovery, she will never be immune from her dangerous disorder and can slip back into a starvation mindset. “Like others with addictions, she will have to be vigilant for the rest of her life,” says Coleman.
Two years ago, Amy entered a university 2,000 miles away from home. Before she began her freshman year, Coleman provided her with a list of professionals who specialized in eating disorders and told her daughter to select those with whom she felt she could work.
Now, four years after Amy’s initial diagnosis, a few days can go by without Coleman worrying about her daughter.
“We are much more alert to red flags when we talk to her,” admits Coleman. “Recently, she said she did not have a dorm room for next year. We think an important part of her recovery is living in a dorm where there are three cooked meals a day and people around her who can provide a first-alert system.”
Many factors usually contribute to a person’s eating disorder, including media hype. “Everywhere we go, children are bombarded with competing messages,” says Coleman. “The billboards, TV and magazines tell consumers to Yield to temptation,’ Indulge yourself,’ and Eat, eat, eat.’ The other message from the same sources tell people to be thin, be thin, be thin.’
“Young people are challenged as to what message they should pay attention to. Unfortunately, some people’s idea of balancing these messages is existing on a diet of cauliflower and strawberries or just carrots. That is a diet for disaster. I know only too well.”
afine@cjn.org
Types of eating disorders:
Anorexia Nervosa: significant weight loss, lack of menstruation, and a distorted body image, and morbid fear of becoming fat,.
Bulimia: lack of control, over-eating with recurrent episodes of binge eating, and actions that result in preventing weight gain, such as vomiting and purging.
Binge Eating disorder: recurring episodes of binge eating that include eating alone, eating too rapidly, and eating large amounts of food when the person is not hungry. The patient lacks control over bingeing episodes.
All the above are serious medical and emotional problems that have life-threatening consequences and require the services of a physician, nutritionist, or other professional with expertise in diagnosing eating disorders.
From “Perceptions: The Prevention of Eating Disorders,” a project of The Beatrice J. Stone Yavne High School for Girls of the Hebrew Academy of Cleveland.
Warning Signs of Eating Disorders
If your child or teen:
Often makes excuses to avoid family meals or stays away from social situations that involve eating.
Has rituals to make eating small amounts of food less obvious, such as cutting food into small portions and moving it around on the plate.
Has great fluctuations in eating n periods of excessive eating cycled with food restrictions.
Obsessively exercises without enjoyment and regardless of weather, illness or injury.
Shows signs of vomiting or laxative use; often disappears after eating to go to the bathroom.
is preoccupied with food and eating and continued dissatisfaction with body shape.
Has coldness, particularly in the hands and feet, and wears layers of baggy clothing to hide body, even in warm weather.
Has dental problems or calluses on the knuckles (can be signs of vomiting).
Becomes disgusted with former favorite foods like meat, fats and desserts or boasts about eating as a vegetarian without consuming adequate fats, oils, whole grains, and dense fruits and vegetables.
Exhibits frantic fear of weight gain and repeated attempts to diet.
Uses simplistic, black-and-white thinking, such as, “If I am thinner, I will feel better about myself,” and envy of thin people in general.
Has trouble talking about feelings; is moody, irritable, and withdrawn more than “normal” for a teen.
displays self-harm behaviors, such as cutting, burning, hair pulling, or engaging in risk taking.
Hides food or wrappers; food disappears from household without explanation; empty food containers in garbage.
Information obtained from Gail Kopelowitz, LISW, program manager at Laurelwood Hospital.
Statistics:
How many people have eating disorders?
1% of female adolescents have anorexia
4% of college-age women have bulimia
About 50% of people with anorexia develop bulimia or bulimic
patterns
About 1% of women have binge eating disorder
About 10% of people with anorexia and bulimia are male
Anorexia and bulimia affect people primarily in their teens and 20s, but studies report both disorders in children as young as 6 and individuals as old as 76.
From Anorexia Nervosa and Related Eating Disorders Inc. (ANRED)
A recent New York Times article called “Amazing Girls” drew Deborah Coleman’s attention.
“It described girls who are driven to excel as scholars, musicians, athletes and daughters,” says the Hahn Loeser + Parks attorney. “What it doesn’t mention is the dark side of this story n these perfect girls are also perfect candidates for a variety of eating disorders including anorexia, bulimia nervosa and bingeing.”
As the mother of an “amazing girl,” Coleman knows only too well what happens when an ideal child develops an eating disorder in her quest for perfection.
Coleman’s world and that of her family was forever altered the spring day in 2003 when she received a call from her daughter “Amy’s” Shaker Heights High School counselor. (Coleman requested that her daughter’s real name not be revealed). “She told me that the teachers were worried about Amy and suggested she might have an eating disorder.”
The counselor urged Coleman to consult with a doctor and quickly.
“Our initial reaction was shock that the teachers noticed something we didn’t,” relates Coleman. “It never occurred to us that a child of ours would have an eating disorder. Our daughter was a varsity athlete, an outstanding student. I always cooked a complete dinner that we ate as a family.” Nor was weight a topic of family discussion. “We did not even have a scale in our house,” Coleman continues. “Nothing I knew about eating disorders had any correlation to my child n or so I thought.”
After a thorough medical examination, the family pediatrician reported that 16-year-old Amy had lost a troubling 25 pounds in 18 months. He immediately referred her to Laurelwood Hospital’s Eating Disorder Clinic, where the professionals informed Coleman and her husband that their daughter was anorexic.
Amy’s parents promptly enrolled her in the Laurelwood program but were still skeptical about her diagnosis. “Using flawed thinking, we were sure they were wrong,” admits Coleman.
But as Coleman began to observe her daughter more closely, she noticed Amy was spending a lot of time manipulating the food on her plate and cutting it up into little pieces. She was barely eating anything.
“I finally realized the professionals were right,” she says. “And it wasn’t until we as a family accepted her diagnosis that our daughter did, too.”
Looking back, Coleman says the signs of her daughter’s illness were there for some months prior to the family’s taking action.
“Amy participated in fall and spring varsity sports and was always dressed in heavy sweats, so I rarely saw her lightly dressed,” says Coleman. “I was buying over a pound of carrots a week, and it never occurred to me that this made up the bulk of her diet; I just thought she was eating healthy.”
Amy also did a lot of baking and cooking, and she even talked about going to cooking school. “I realize now that a symptom of an eating disorder is being obsessed with food,” Coleman notes. “Talking about food, reading about food, even cooking become replacements for eating.”
As part of her treatment, Amy spent the summer of 2003 in partial hospitalization at Laurelwood and the next nine months in and out of their intensive outpatient program. She attended her senior classes at Shaker on a reduced schedule and did not participate in sports or extracurricular activities. The family attended regular counseling and support group sessions at Laurelwood.
Coleman’s health insurance plan totally covered the costly treatment. Other families, she adds, were not so lucky; they were forced to cut short some stages of treatment because insurance benefits ran out before their children attained a healthy, sustainable weight or were otherwise ready to be discharged.
After Amy graduated from the intensive Laurelwood program, she met with a team of four professionals who regularly monitored her progress. These included a medical doctor who dealt with her physical issues; a psychiatrist who prescribed medication for her mental disorder; a social worker trained in talk therapy; and a nutritionist who monitored her food intake and planned a diet to help her achieve optimal weight.
Coleman’s role was to reinforce and support the work of her daughter’s professional team. This was not easy. “Along with having to prepare the right meals, I had to negotiate the rules of kashrut,” says Coleman, a member of Park Synagogue and Shaarey Tikvah. “The dietitian recommended so many units of dairy and meat with each meal, but I told her we don’t mix milk and meat. We had to work around this and still have a fully balanced diet with the prescribed fat content.”
Until her body weight had reached a certain level, Amy was not allowed to participate in strenuous exercise because she needed to conserve the calories from the foods she ate. “Amy could not drive because her blood sugar was so low, the doctors were concerned about blackouts,” says Coleman. “We learned that while she was running track, given the condition of her heart at that time, any race could have become her last. She was in such a perilous state.”
Perhaps one of the most frustrating and frightening aspects of Amy’s disease was negotiating with her “demons,” says Coleman.
“Sometimes when I discussed her disorder, I realized I was not speaking to my daughter, but to the demon inside her. Her irrational comments did not square with my concept of my intelligent, thoughtful child. Even though she looked like a death camp survivor, she stared at the mirror and in her eyes she saw a fat girl. No amount of rational talking could persuade her otherwise.
“Seeking total control of something is an anorexic’s idea of perfect,” adds Coleman. “They say I can control my eating so well, I don’t even have to eat.’ That is the demon talking as these young people craft their own reality. They think that a perfect weight is in the two digits. If 105 pounds. is good, then 95 pounds. is better, and 85 pounds. is better yet.”
Although Amy is now in recovery, she will never be immune from her dangerous disorder and can slip back into a starvation mindset. “Like others with addictions, she will have to be vigilant for the rest of her life,” says Coleman.
Two years ago, Amy entered a university 2,000 miles away from home. Before she began her freshman year, Coleman provided her with a list of professionals who specialized in eating disorders and told her daughter to select those with whom she felt she could work.
Now, four years after Amy’s initial diagnosis, a few days can go by without Coleman worrying about her daughter.
“We are much more alert to red flags when we talk to her,” admits Coleman. “Recently, she said she did not have a dorm room for next year. We think an important part of her recovery is living in a dorm where there are three cooked meals a day and people around her who can provide a first-alert system.”
Many factors usually contribute to a person’s eating disorder, including media hype. “Everywhere we go, children are bombarded with competing messages,” says Coleman. “The billboards, TV and magazines tell consumers to Yield to temptation,’ Indulge yourself,’ and Eat, eat, eat.’ The other message from the same sources tell people to be thin, be thin, be thin.’
“Young people are challenged as to what message they should pay attention to. Unfortunately, some people’s idea of balancing these messages is existing on a diet of cauliflower and strawberries or just carrots. That is a diet for disaster. I know only too well.”
afine@cjn.org
Types of eating disorders:
Anorexia Nervosa: significant weight loss, lack of menstruation, and a distorted body image, and morbid fear of becoming fat,.
Bulimia: lack of control, over-eating with recurrent episodes of binge eating, and actions that result in preventing weight gain, such as vomiting and purging.
Binge Eating disorder: recurring episodes of binge eating that include eating alone, eating too rapidly, and eating large amounts of food when the person is not hungry. The patient lacks control over bingeing episodes.
All the above are serious medical and emotional problems that have life-threatening consequences and require the services of a physician, nutritionist, or other professional with expertise in diagnosing eating disorders.
From “Perceptions: The Prevention of Eating Disorders,” a project of The Beatrice J. Stone Yavne High School for Girls of the Hebrew Academy of Cleveland.
Warning Signs of Eating Disorders
If your child or teen:
Often makes excuses to avoid family meals or stays away from social situations that involve eating.
Has rituals to make eating small amounts of food less obvious, such as cutting food into small portions and moving it around on the plate.
Has great fluctuations in eating n periods of excessive eating cycled with food restrictions.
Obsessively exercises without enjoyment and regardless of weather, illness or injury.
Shows signs of vomiting or laxative use; often disappears after eating to go to the bathroom.
is preoccupied with food and eating and continued dissatisfaction with body shape.
Has coldness, particularly in the hands and feet, and wears layers of baggy clothing to hide body, even in warm weather.
Has dental problems or calluses on the knuckles (can be signs of vomiting).
Becomes disgusted with former favorite foods like meat, fats and desserts or boasts about eating as a vegetarian without consuming adequate fats, oils, whole grains, and dense fruits and vegetables.
Exhibits frantic fear of weight gain and repeated attempts to diet.
Uses simplistic, black-and-white thinking, such as, “If I am thinner, I will feel better about myself,” and envy of thin people in general.
Has trouble talking about feelings; is moody, irritable, and withdrawn more than “normal” for a teen.
displays self-harm behaviors, such as cutting, burning, hair pulling, or engaging in risk taking.
Hides food or wrappers; food disappears from household without explanation; empty food containers in garbage.
Information obtained from Gail Kopelowitz, LISW, program manager at Laurelwood Hospital.
Statistics:
How many people have eating disorders?
1% of female adolescents have anorexia
4% of college-age women have bulimia
About 50% of people with anorexia develop bulimia or bulimic
patterns
About 1% of women have binge eating disorder
About 10% of people with anorexia and bulimia are male
Anorexia and bulimia affect people primarily in their teens and 20s, but studies report both disorders in children as young as 6 and individuals as old as 76.
From Anorexia Nervosa and Related Eating Disorders Inc. (ANRED)
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